Scraped

Your cold hard grip scrapes my skin. 

Squirming, your jagged edges wound me.

You are ruthless and unforgiving,

You demand submission.

I comply,

desperate for it to be quick,

praying for it to end,

hoping for one cut too many

and I can bleed into darkness.

*****

Flash Friday FIctioneers is brought to you by Madison Woods.  Her story and links to the many other fictioneers can be found here.

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60 comments
    • Janet said:

      Your first instinct was right. In fact I was trying to take it a bit further and have it be about a rape. Such a nice thought for a Friday morning. I’ll be over to read yours soon.

  1. Jessica said:

    Loverly, Janet. This is one of your best, I think.

  2. Janet said:

    Thanks Jess. That means a lot.

    • Janet said:

      Thanks. I couldn’t help but write a dark piece based on the image.

    • Janet said:

      Yes! You got it right, it was about rape (not the nicest image to start the weekend with but that’s what the image said to me.)

    • Janet said:

      Thanks Sandra, I’m glad you found it powerful.

    • Janet said:

      Thanks Erin, that is what I was trying to convey. I’m glad it worked.

  3. I especially liked the first two lines. Scraped is a great word/image.

    • Janet said:

      Thank you Linda. I chose it because of the imagery behind the word scraped and then I realized it also had the word raped in it. It seemed the perfect choice.

    • Janet said:

      Yes, yes I do. I read once that writers shouldn’t be afraid to write from their dark side.

    • Janet said:

      Actually, you were right on both accounts, it was both physical and mental torture.

    • Linda said:

      I’ve just read it again and it made me think of an animal, say a rabbit, caught in the wire .. :-(

    • Janet said:

      You’re not that far off the mark. I wanted to portray a rape.

    • Janet said:

      Thanks Susie. I saw a term on a literary journal the other day which I think describes the writing style “Prosetry”. What do you think?

    • Janet said:

      Does it sound wrong to say I’m glad it evoked such feelings?

      • Gary said:

        Haha, not at all! It’s a sign of great writing and you should be proud of that.

  4. William Stadler said:

    amazingly done. Nice usage of the barb to represent a personality. I also like the way the wire is catalyst into the suicidal ideas which would ease the person from the pain. nicely done

    • Janet said:

      thanks William. I’m glad you liked it.

  5. That was dark, but it was lovely all the same. Using the barb wire almost as a metaphor for the torments we visit upon each other…

    • Janet said:

      Thanks. It was the perfect image to explore my dark side.

  6. Amanda Gray said:

    For some reason your first line made me think of wrist pinned down the rape came loud and clear to me
    Good job

    • Janet said:

      Thanks Amanda, you got it perfectly.

  7. Some really vivid imagery and raw emotion in such a short format. Excellence indeed.

    • Janet said:

      Thank you Jeffrey. I’m glad you liked it.

  8. As you might imagine, Janet, this one really appeals to me – much darker than your usual work, you have found a penchant ‘eh?

    The picture is just perfect and contrasts with the emotion in the poem.

    • Janet said:

      I think you might be right ;)

  9. Michael Fishman said:

    Excellent prose and fantastic imagery here even though it was dark and disturbing. Taken literally I saw this as someone ending their life which was more pleasant than what I saw when I took it not so literally.

    • Janet said:

      Thanks Michael, I did indeed go very dark on this one. There’s something about barbwire that is just so creepy.

  10. Lora said:

    Chilling. Frightening. Like the others, I also visualize bondage and a brutal rape. This is a woman’s worst nightmare. Unable to scream or fight back, I’m sure many of them beg for some sort of release, even death. Anyone having nightmares yet? Here’s mine (a lighter one)
    http://www.triplemoonstar.blogspot.com

    • Janet said:

      That was exactly what I was trying to portray – rape is both physically and emotionally brutal (not the most uplifting story for a friday but that’s were the image took me.)

  11. Robert said:

    Definitely a dark tale. I’m glad to see this prompt being used metaphorically. “Hoping for one cut too many” was great, for me. Shows the desperation of the situation the character is in.

    Here’s mine: http://the-drabbler.com/trespass/

    • Janet said:

      Thanks Robert, I didn want to convey that feeling in the end. Glad you felt that.

  12. This was a perfect story for the photo prompt. A hard place to be and a hard piece to write, no doubt. But you pulled it off well and it shows from the long list of positive comments above.

    Aloha,

    Doug

    • Janet said:

      Thanks Doug, I seem to have been in a dark space all week. I’ve been working on my novel and my protagonist has some very dark moments. Once I get into her head, it’s hard to get out.

  13. Madison Woods said:

    Very potent darkness in your story, Janet. So concise and full, as yours usually are. I enjoyed it.

    • Janet said:

      Thanks Madison, I just loved the photo prompt.

    • Janet said:

      Thanks for visiting and commenting.

    • Janet said:

      Thank you. It started out and prose but ended up as poetry, as I mentioned to Susie above, I think the perfect term for it is prosetry.

  14. Ouch! Graphic and visual. Really good, Could be literal or metaphorical.
    Intense I like it :)

  15. I loved this consonance:

    “Your cold hard grip scrapes my skin.

    Squirming…”

    Great work.

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