Despite Your Intentions

I knew driving up you had gone.  Darkness where you talked of dreams.   Silence where you made commitments.  Emptiness where you promised me a different world.  I didn’t even need to read your note, to know that you are, despite your intentions, nothing but a clown.

*****

Flash Friday FIctioneers is brought to you by Madison Woods. Her story and links to the many other fictioneers can be found here

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53 comments
  1. Hi Janet,
    You totally got me with this one. I was reading along, wondering where it was going, enjoying your nice parallel sentence structure. Then I reached the end and for a moment, I was puzzling, and then it hit me and I laughed with delight. Thanks for that, and for reading and commenting on my story.

    • Janet said:

      You’re welcome. I’m glad it made you laugh, I was hoping for that effect.

    • Janet said:

      Oh yeah! Thank for coming by.

      • Kwadwo said:

        You’re welcome. Can’t wait to read your post next week

    • Janet said:

      Unfortunately, there are too many clowns in this world!

    • Janet said:

      Thanks. I’ll be right over to read yours.

  2. crubin said:

    What a juxtaposition–nature’s creatures clinging to a McDonald’s window. I’m impressed by what you came up with. But then again, I always am. 🙂

    • Janet said:

      Thanks Carrie (too bad I couldn’t work Boy George into the prompt 😉 )

      • crubin said:

        Ha! Yes, it might be a while before such a thing is possible. 🙂

  3. Definitely a very somber and deep take on this with some subtle humor blended in. Very nice.

    • Janet said:

      thank you, that’s the feeling I was going for. Always rewarding when it works.

    • Janet said:

      Thanks Amanda, I’ll be right over to read your story.

    • Janet said:

      thanks. I”m glad you liked it.

    • Janet said:

      You’re right – I never thought of it that way. I love that.

    • Janet said:

      She was indeed very angry. (clowns do that to a person – you either love them or hate them 😉 )

    • Janet said:

      Thank you. There was something about that sad looking sign that just stuck in my head.

    • Janet said:

      I agree. And i hope that those who have been burned by those empty promises will learn from it. Thanks for coming by.

  4. oni1138 said:

    first one I’ve read that’s used Ronald, brilliant 🙂

    • Janet said:

      I have to admit, he didn’t come to me right away. I wrote a first draft and then voila – it hit me.

    • Janet said:

      Thank you Charles. I read you weren’t posting this week so thank you for stopping by.

  5. EmmaMc said:

    Very impressive. I had to read this a few time but finally got it. Clever!

    • Janet said:

      Glad you liked it Emma. Thanks.

    • Janet said:

      Thank you. I seem to like using repetitive sentence structure in these short pieces but I have to be careful not to overdo it. I think it worked this time so thank you for saying so.

  6. rochellewisoff said:

    Loved the story and its ending. I’ve known guys like that…sans the big feet and red nose of course, but clowns just the same.

  7. Janet said:

    Oh goodness – haven’t we all know guys like that!

  8. Yes did get the clown reference!
    Powerful and with a picture change and the change of the word clown could evoke something a little different.

  9. Dear Janet,

    Sorry to arrive so late. Kind of glad I did because this one is separate from all the rest. A very good story; soft, sad, determined. I enjoyed it very much.

    Aloha,

    Doug

    • Janet said:

      Hi Doug, for some reason I really focused on that sad sign with the liquid paper on it. Once I saw that, I hand to go in that direction.

  10. Stacey said:

    Very nice 🙂 Made me smile, too.

  11. I liked the use of “driving up” – not sure if it was intentional but it worked well with the prompt!

    ~Susan

  12. I think I would have focused in on those beautiful moths. I can’t stop looking at them. I guess that’s why I didn’t get it at first. Then I started to laugh.

    • Janet said:

      I know, the moths are so interesting but for some odd reason all I could see was the sign. Weird what gets your attention sometimes.

    • Janet said:

      Ouch is right. She’s a bit bitter. Thanks for coming by.

  13. I’ve liked too many of your posts — I’ve got to follow you now! I’m really enjoying your pieces.

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