Drained

You were fresh.  All I ever wanted.  You filled my voids.  I was happy.  Momentarily fulfilled.  But then the drudgery of life began; the day-to-day.  Work…obligations… needs.  I was drained until I had no more left to give and before I knew it, you were gone.

*****

This story is part of Friday Fictioneers, organized by Madison Woods.  Please make sure you read her story along with all the other Fictioneer stories.  They can be found here.

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37 comments
    • Janet said:

      Thanks Elena, glad you came by.

  1. I like the structure – all those short sentences when things were good, and getting longer when things turned bad. Nice.

    • Janet said:

      Wow – I didn’t even notice I’d done that but it seems to have worked. Thanks for coming by.

  2. Mike said:

    I always enjoy your postcard fiction and marvel at just how much story you squeeze into just 50 words.
    A clever take on the prompt.

    • Janet said:

      Thanks Mike. The idea came to me right away. Maybe I was feeling a little drained myself at the time.

  3. Sandra said:

    Very concise summary of the development and failure of a relationship. Well done.

    • Janet said:

      Thanks Sandra. If only the honeymoon stage could last…

    • Janet said:

      Yes, you’re right. Thanks for coming by.

  4. Hi Janet,
    Great use of an extended metaphor to tell a story, and it fits perfectly with the photo.
    Ron

    • Janet said:

      Thanks. I love metaphors (sometimes maybe too much).

  5. Jessica said:

    Once again, I know when you were not the photographer. I like this one very much, Janet.

    • Janet said:

      Glad you like it Jess (ever think of joining the fictioneers?)

  6. Carrie said:

    simple and very effective. Nicely done!

    • Janet said:

      Glad you liked it. thanks for dropping by.

  7. Parul said:

    This is so close to real life!
    Very well done!

    • Janet said:

      I wish it wasn’t close to real life, but I think most of us have felt this way at least once.

  8. Very full story about an empty vessel. I agree, this was nicely done.

    • Janet said:

      Thanks Madison. I’ve only read your long story so far. I’m curious to see what part you selected for the fictioneers.

      • I had to use the first paragraphs for it – but I put a warning on that page about the language! Never suspected any of the Fictioneers would approach it from the other way around. Sorry about that.

        • Janet said:

          No apologies necessary. I enjoyed it.

  9. Just like so much of so many peoples lives.

    • Janet said:

      You’re right – sad but true.

  10. Unlike some other commenters I interpreted this as a long life together, followed by one spouse dying. I think the initial flash can fade, letting day-to-day life overwhelm us until we forget what we’re here for-until something changes. Well done, and in such few words!

    There’s some teeth to my story. The Silvery Minnow (the “Minnow” referred to in my story) is an endangered species living in the Rio Grande river, just a mile or two east of my childhood home. I’ve heard the arguments from both sides. I presented the human one this time.

  11. Lora said:

    Too real. Too sad. Too bittersweet. Nice take on the prompt.

  12. Interesting way the metaphor shifts, from filling to draining. A nice tight piece of writing! And very down to earth in its subject.

  13. Too true, too often. Good summary of too many failed relationships.

  14. Linda said:

    What a brilliant ‘two handed’ piece Janet. The metaphor for a life drained was expertly crafted and yet the reality with the tank and tap is so true at times of drought. 😉

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