Photophobia

Photophobia

Love is photophobic.
Concealed in basements

shifting uneasily,
when fed

listening apprehensively,
to footfalls

fearing cracks,
in the foundation.

********

This poem is an updated and edited version of my post Like Leonard Cohen.

I’d love to know which one you prefer.

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8 comments
  1. chrisbkm said:

    I prefer this newer version (though the two are very different). It seems stronger and more focused on the nature of love, or this particular love. I can really feel it. Powerful piece. Strange too, in an intriguing way. You’re very present here without actually mentioning it, as in the first piece.

    The first, which I also like (one of my favourite all-time Cohen lines) I see you first, then the love, and then Leonard for a moment. Interesting idea and combination!

    Very different pieces of writing. My preference no doubt is based on my own need to edit writing as far down as I possibly can. I’m afraid, often enough losing story in the process. I wonder if the first is closer to your very short fiction and this one to poetry?

    Chris

    • Janet said:

      Chris, I think you are on to something. I wrote the first one as a poem, but when I revisited it yesterday, I no longer had that sense. It felt, like you said, more like a piece of fiction.Now, after all the editing, I find they have a very different feel. The editing process never ceases to amaze me. Thanks for your feedback.

  2. Love the title! It opens a realm of possibilities.

    • Janet said:

      Photophobia – how did writers get by without google?

  3. I prefer this pared down version – but I have no knowledge of poetry just sometimes scrawl. I find the first version just a little scary.

    • Janet said:

      The first version was meant to be a little scary so I’m glad you found it that way (if you don’t mind me saying so).

  4. I like the “Like Leonard Cohen” poem better — it created a scene/mood better for me.

    • Janet said:

      I think the moods are definitely different, which amazes me as they were originally the same piece of work. I think Chris, above, was correct in his feeling that the Leonard Cohen one was more like my short fiction, and the second one more poem like. Thanks for your comment.

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